No, I Don't Really Want A Harem
by Slider no. 11
Summary: This universe is sure ruled by one messed up dude. Whoever it is, it has been responsible for supernatural phenomenon, internet trolls, and cheesy romance novels. Oh, you know what else what it has done? Giving this unlucky guy a pretty jacked up harem, that's what!


**A/N: Hello, hello! It is moi, Slider no. 11, who humbly presents a new work to you, my dear readers who've clicked this story mine to read (skim) over it. Somewhat of another first for me, "No, I Don't Really Want A Harem" (or to call it simply, "No Harems") will be a crossover fic featuring three series. And to make a long story short, I'd like y'all to post some constructive reviews about it if you feel something's a bit iffy in my story, 'kay? Also, I own only my characters, and my characters alone. Now…**

 **Shall we begin this small tale, dear readers?**

* * *

 **Chapter 1: I Didn't Really Want A Plot Like This**

* * *

Clickity-clickity-click.

It was the dead of night in the town of Greenedge, "a place not-so-special or not-so-bland where things can happen, but is definitely a place where extraordinary things _don't_ happen." Anyone with a strong sense of responsibility or a tight schedule to follow should usually be asleep at this bewitching time of darkness, but apparently for this youth who has none of the former and much of the latter, it simply didn't matter.

In a room nearly as dark as outside, a laptop's soft light was the only source of illumination to reveal part of its owner's face, highlighting a few light-brown locks of outward curving hair, a pair of brown-almost-black colored eyes, and a face that you might as well mistake for an unmoving and expressionless mask, typing away in an almost nonchalant and absent-minded way.

PhAnTaSmA_x_UmBrA: Yo, I'd love to chat around and theorize potential songs for _Project Diva X_ , but don't you have school tomorrow?

Princess_Nautilus_Hart_Hart: it'd technically be today, since it's already midnight here (b^x^)b

PhAnTaSmA_x_UmBrA: You're _so_ irresponsible… Y' know that, right?

Princess_Nautilus_Hart_Hart: says the guy who is also up all night with me. XDDD

PhAnTaSmA_x_UmBrA: *insert immense sighing here*

Princess_Nautilus_Hart_Hart: *insert me giving huggies to cheer you up*

PhAnTaSmA_x_UmBrA: God, just… get enough sleep, 'kay? I wouldn't want my best friend to have bags under her eyes and tarnish her beauty forever.

Princess_Nautilus_Hart_Hart: ya using the friendzone card again? (TAT)

PhAnTaSmA_x_UmBrA: Hahah, just kidding. Love you, babe.

Princess_Nautilus_Hart_Hart: *squee!* love you too, babe! *internet kiss*

 _Princess_Nautilus_Hart_Hart has gone offline._

 _PhAnTaSmA_x_UmBrA has gone offline._

Closing his laptop and putting it back into its bag, the youth sighed.

"Weekends are far too short."

* * *

You know that feeling when you sleep for what seems to be a minute and it so happens that you actually have slept five hours already? Yeah, that's what you feel if you don't stay up consistently. Fortunately for us, our protagonist is a master late-night sleeper and had no trouble in waking himself up, ready (not really) for another week at Azure High, located just outside of Greenedge's border. While he could've taken the high school here, Jade High _has_ been more suited for the athletically and physically capable anyways, and the pricks there usually frown upon those who pursue the more "artistic" side of life.

Doing a few stretches here and there as he exited his rather plain-looking room, our protagonist decided to take a moment to look over the not so plain-looking part of his home (i.e., everything but his room) over from the ornately designed rails of the place's second floor. Gazing a bit lower, he caught sight of a certain silver-haired individual in a classic maid outfit, yawning in a style like some noblewoman would. He tried to open his mouth to greet her a good morning, only for an irritated and obviously sleep-lacking face to turn to him and open her mouth instead.

Sad that it wasn't like any sweet morning greeting you would usually get in those teen romcom novels nowadays. That would've been nice.

"You're off schedule by three minutes and 43 seconds, Master Regalias! Stop dilly-dallying over there and get down here to eat your breakfast!" The voice below boomed.

"Katherine, it's Ross. The dead isn't exactly the best subject to be slapped into your face first thing in the morning." Ross flatly corrected his maid as he went down the second floor's comically large, white, and spiral stairway to the ground floor. "A-Ah, sorry. I have been getting sleepless nights, please pardon my behavior." The maid said in an evidently drained tone as she lazily bowed her head down.

"The nightmares again?"

"Yes, unfortuna- Ah, M-Master Ross?" Jolted out of her bow by the feeling of a rather large and warm hand upon her head, Katherine took a step back as she looked upon her master in confusion. Ross, letting out a drawn out sigh, motioned for his maid to come closer to him. Rather cautiously inching towards the one-inch-short-of-six-feet individual who was a full head taller than her, Katherine suddenly found herself getting pulled in abruptly into the arms of her master.

Though initially wanting to vehemently resist and ask Ross as to why she was being hugged right now, the sea-blue eyed maid reconsidered when she felt a rather loving and affectionate feeling overwhelm her. Ending the embrace, Ross made his way to the dinning room right of him. "Don't overextend yourself, Kat. Get some sleep, okay?"

"As you wish… Mí amor." Lightly whispering that last part, Katherine went the opposite way, back towards her sleeping quarters. Arriving there, she didn't even bother to change and plopped right into her comfy, comfy bed and hugged her fluffy, fluffy pillow.

"Hah… When was the last time I called you that…?" Sleeping with ease, the maid began to dream of a dream, a dream of a time that seemed so long ago…

* * *

" _Huh? What does that mean… My Aymor?"_ A little boy, the kid Ross, tried to pronounce the beautifully written words in front of him. Stifling her laugh, a little girl, the very young Katherine, began teaching the young Ross in front of her. _"No, no, you silly! It's ME…"_

" _Mí…?"_

" _AH-more…"_

" _Amor…?"_

" _Mí amor."_

" _Mí amor!"_

" _Wow, you sure do learn things fast, Ross!"_ The young Katherine cheerfully beamed. Crossing his arms in annoyance, Ross then said, _"Yeah, sure. But what does it mean? If you're gonna start calling me that, I have to know what it means!"_ Giggling at her best friend's desire to know, Katherine stayed resilient. " _You'll learn eventually, mi~ a~ mor~!_

" _Not fair!"_

" _Hahahahah!"_

* * *

"Mí… amor… Stay… safe…"

 _Now playing – [Luka] Just Be Friends [English Subs]_

Unbeknownst to the sleeping Katherine, Ross, now in his favorite dark blue hoodie, similarly dark jeans, and white shoes with a red Nike logo, was standing beside her bed. A small smile creeping its way into his stoic visage, the youth gave the slumbering maid a quick peck on the cheek and quietly left the room. "Sleep tight, lil' Kat." And with that, he slowly closed the door.

As he exited through the front door and slightly increased the volume on his music player, Ross took a small glance at his home: An obviously aged, but still grand mansion of the small mansions. Predominantly dirty white with some of the bright golden-yellow details still left in, our protagonist sighed. "Mansion de Regalias… Heirloom of the late Rolando and Rilliane Regalias…" Chuckling a weak chuckle, Ross began to walk away. He still had a hill to trek down on and a bus to take, anyway.

"I'll renovate it sooner or later, Ma and Pa. You'll just have to wait."

 _Now playing – Phil Collins – You'll Be In My Heart_

* * *

After the relatively short fifteen-minute bus ride, Ross now found himself in front of Bluecorner's bustling Azure High once again. This place really rolled with the "Azure" in their name, with everything in the school being just that singular color. Azure benches, azure bricks, heck, azure grass! He also never fails to feel that whoever designed the school was either stupid, or someone so advanced in art that he could not understand it. "Its all solid squares and rectangles for Christ's sake… Truly incomprehensible." He sighed. Walking towards the big blue gate in front of him with the intent to get this Monday over with, a certain shade of red suddenly appeared in his peripheral vision.

"Hey, Rose."

"Greetings, Ross."

"Want me to escort you to your classroom?"

 _Now playing – The Carpenters – Yesterday Once More_

"You can just say you want to walk beside me, you know?"

"I guess? Do you want to walk beside _me_?"

"Sure, why not?"

Rose Rosario. Appropriately nicknamed the "Rose In The Garden of Bluestars", she is almost as laconic and expressionless as Ross and as such, became quick comrades of silence. While friends usually play around and actually interact with each other, Ross and Rose just acknowledged each other's presence whenever they're together. Never really having any long conversations or playing jovial acts on each other, they were truly together in tranquility. Their similarities even carry on to their clothing styles; whilst Ross prefers dark colors and Rose prefers the different shades of red, they both aim for comfort and practicality. Being the cold season, Rose wore a bright, simple red sweater alongside a similarly bright pair of jeans and her pair of black and white sneakers of an unidentifiable brand.

Before the two knew it, they have hit a literal crossroads inside the school.

"I take north."

"I take west."

Sharing one last glance at each other, the two went off; with Ross going straight ahead and Rose taking a left turn to their respective classrooms. Their day went on unremarkably.

* * *

"Yo, Sir Regal. Wake up." A coarse, buffy kind of voice called out.

"…Huh? Ugh, I fell asleep on the ride home… Thanks for waking me up, Mr. Kondu." Ross said as he wiped the saliva on his lip and stood up. Giving Ross a rather playful ruffling of his hair and a hearty laugh, Mr. Kondu said, "Go on now, sleepy boy. You might be my last ride, but I still have _my_ last ride home. You don't want to keep sweet little Katherine to wait for you, you know what I'm sayin'?"

"I believe I don't, Mr. Kondu. Me and Katherine aren't like that." The youth said as he stepped off the silvery-white bus. "See you tomorrow after the end of school again, Sir Regal!" Closing his bus's door, the middle-aged man and father of two sped off into the distance.

"See you again…" Ross weakly muttered. Looking towards his home, he noticed that the sun just so happens to be behind the hill it was on, giving it a somewhat exalted and holy feel to it. Taking a quick picture with his phone, Ross trekked uphill with a small grin on his face.

"Whew… Finally…" A bit breathless from his little jog, Ross stopped just in front of the front door to take a moment, when suddenly:

"KYAAAAAAAAA!"

A surge of adrenaline reinvigorating the youth, he found himself bursting through the door and dashing towards the source of the scream, which so happens to be the kitchen.

Arriving at the scene, Ross' blood began to boil at the scene in front of him. Backed up in the corner was Katherine, an expression of terror and fear prevalent on her face, with three unknown females surrounding her.

"Do we really have to tie her up?" Said the one with a primarily red and white outfit Ross could not describe.

"Of _course_ we have to, you dummy! She'll just call the cops if we simply stole from her!" Asserted the one holding a broom.

"I can hit her in the head hard enough with my staff to spare us the trouble of a struggle." The tall one with blue hair suggested with a nonchalant tone.

"WHAT?! Are you two out-"

"HEY, YOU THREE! STEP AWAY FROM KAT, RIGHT NOW!" Bellowed Ross, whose voice was strong enough to hurt the ears of everyone on the room.

"Ah shoot! Were we found out so soon?!"

"Shut it, Marisa! You were the one who dragged me and MAGES. into this!" The red-white girl yelled as she grabbed the blonde haired girl by the collar, causing her to drop her broom.

"Calm down, Reimu of the Hakurei. It is unwise to hurt friends." The tall one said coolly, seemingly unperturbed by Ross' outburst. Thinking fast, Katherine was able to slip past near the one called "Marisa" quickly and reach Ross. With Katherine now beside him, Ross pulled out his phone.

"Alright you jerks! I have 911 on quick-dial and I'm one tap away from sending you all to prison! Leave, or forever hold your non-action!"

"Okay, okay! We're leaving! We're leaving…" Slowly backing away towards the door beside them (which so happens to be the backdoor), the one called "Marisa" slammed the door open and made a run for it, with the other two following soon after.

"Unemployed cosplayers breaking in at homes…? What has this world come to?"

"Uh, Master Ross? My pendant… i-it's gone!"

"What?! Oh, that sneaky little-!"

* * *

Running under the light of the moon, the trio finally made it into their current base of operations: A little camp in the wilderness just a few miles away from Mansion de Regalias. Strewn across the site were empty cans of assorted food and newspaper, and in the middle was the classic kettle on top of a wooden fire albeit, it wasn't burning.

"Alright ladies! That was a nice raid!" Marisa said in cheerful tone, somewhat forgetting what just happened.

"'Nice raid?' What the heck are you talking about, Marisa?! We didn't get any-"

"Stop, Reimu of the Hakurei. Can't you see the item in Magician Marisa's hand?"

"Sharp as always, my good friend MAGES.! Behold, something I was able snag off that chick's neck!" Marisa said as she triumphantly held out a golden, heart-shaped pendant with a purple gemstone in the middle. Upon seeing that marvelous piece of jewelry, Reimu's eyes began to glisten and shine.

"H-Huh… G-Great work, Marisa. N-Now, if you'll just let me handle the pendant's pawning…" Reimu's greedy advance being halted by one of Marisa's arms, the totally ordinary magician began to speak. "Hold your horses, Reimu. All _three_ of us are going, not just you. How does nine 'o clock in the morning sound to you, MAGES.?"

"Sounds alright to me, Magician Marisa. However, if that's the case, we should all go to sleep now." MAGES. suggested

"Uh-huh. I hear ya'. Reimu doesn't seem to, though…" Marisa sighed as she looked back at the shrine maiden, who was still trying to grab the pendant.

"Come on, Marisa! It will save us the trouble if you let me do it!"

* * *

"…Yes, they were cosplaying some sort of dumb anime series. …Yes, they broke into my house and stole my maid's pendant. …Please, that pendant means so much to her, just look out for them, you'll know them when you see them. …Alright, thank you." Ending the call, Ross went over to Katherine, who was visibly heartbroken by the loss of her pendant.

"They'll find them and get my pendant back, right?" The maid said, her tears slowly flowing from her eyes. Giving Katherine a reassuring pat on the head, Ross smiled at her and said, "If they can't find it, I'll find it for you." Though blushing slightly at her master's proclamation, Katherine still felt that it would be better if the police found it instead.

" _If you do have to find it, please don't open it... Please don't open the locket of my heart..."_

* * *

L/A/N (Late Author's Note): Whew! Well, that was quite a doozy! As you can probably see, I have made this chapter a _teensy_ bit longer than the ones I make in my other fic. Yup, this might probably have less overall chapters, but the chapters themselves are going to have more words! Also, seeing as this fic isn't _that_ quite up my priority list (though that might change if it get a wee bit more of recognition than it is planned…), I will update this every 3 weeks or even every month. Anyways, hope you enjoyed No Harems' first chapter! See ya in whenever, dear readers!


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